Trust Me
by MrsJasperHale69
Summary: When Edward loses control with Bella the first time they have sex, will he ever learn to trust himself with her again?
1. Leaving

I knew from the moment I walked into my bedroom that Edward would be waiting. I didn't give him the satisfaction of knowing I had noticed his presence, though. I went about putting my dirty clothes in the laundry hamper and then running a brush through my wet hair. I had decided that a hot shower was the only appropriate ending to a day spent at Newtons where Mike flirted with me shamelessly and was constantly showing off by lifting the heavy stuff from the top shelves and then grinning at me like a self-pronounced superhero. Pfft! The act of lifting anything lighter than a Jeep failed to impress me at this point.

Finally gracing him with the knowledge that I had noticed his lurking presence, I turned around and feigned a look of shock at his appearance.

"You can stop with the acting. I could hear your heartbeat speed up the moment you walked in the door." he said softly, his eyes on my duvet and his hands splayed on the sheets. I rolled my eyes at him and walked slowly over to where he was sitting on my bed, leaning up against the pillows, completely at ease.

"Come here, Bella." He almost whispered my name as I crawled towards him on the bed, not trying to look seductive, just trying to reach him as fast as possible. He pulled me into his arms as always, my head against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly against my waist and his chin resting on top of my head. I let out a sigh of content. This was the one thing I never wanted to go away. He was my perfection, and also my keeper. He could make me do anything he wanted but he never took advantage of me. I trusted him with my life, and I loved him with every fibre of my being. Weak in comparison, I suppose, to the love he claimed to harbour for me.

"Bella," he whispered my name, sending goose bumps soaring all over my body at the feel of his cold breath ruffling my hair. He kissed the top of my head so softly I could hardly feel it, and I pulled myself closer to him instinctively. Closer to his cold marble chest. I lifted my head up so I could see his face, a little blue from the moonlight streaking in through my window. He was staring at the ceiling, his fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns on my back. I slowly pulled myself up his body, trying to be inconspicuous about it, but with a vampire that was next to impossible.

Softly I placed a kiss on his cold lips. It only lasted a second, but it conveyed everything I wanted it to. One of his hands ceased their patterns on my back and came up to frame my face, his eyes finally dragging themselves away from the ceiling. I had hardly taken a breath before his lips were on mine again. My fingers tangled themselves in his hair without my brains consent, as I felt my mind draw blanks as I was lost in the intensity of his kiss. My body tried to get closer to him, tried to feel as much of him as possible. But my empty lungs had other ideas. He looked confused when I finally broke off.

"Sorry," he said, looking truly apologetic.

"No! I need to breathe, Edward. I'm human, remember?" I laughed softly as he flashed me my favourite crooked grin. As soon as I had gained sufficient intake of oxygen I leant forward again to resume our earlier activities but it was my turn to be confused when he leant back a little, as if he was shying away from me.

"Bella we can't let this get too far. I don't want to hurt you." His eyes had turned dark now, as if the words had no meaning to him. I couldn't help myself. I pushed myself away from him, rolling over so my back was facing him and waited until he automatically wrapped his arm around my waist before I began to speak again.

"You always say that, Edward. You always tell me that you don't know if you can control yourself with me."

"That's because I don't, Bella. I can't risk -"

"Stop saying that you can't risk hurting me, Edward. At this point in time I don't care!" I didn't want to sound desperate but it was becoming inevitable as saying what I really did sound like the exact definition of desperate.

"Don't be daft, Bella! You know how I would feel about myself if anything were to happen to you of my doing."

"Edward!" I was whispering now for fears that our raised voices would wake Charlie. I turned over so that I was facing him and buried my head in his chest. "Edward, don't ask me how but I just know you can't hurt me. I know that you couldn't bring yourself to-"

"You don't understand. Having... making love to you is something I have wanted for so long,"

"So do it. I love you, Edward."

"Let me finish. Because this is a pent-up desire that has been building inside me for so long there is a possibility that when we... when I..." he broke off, obviously embarrassed by the terminology needed for his explanation.

"Say it, Edward."

"The idea of me hurting you frightens me! I couldn't bear to lose control with you." he resumed speaking, but changing the structure of the sentence completely.

"Edward, we're going to have to face this soon enough. Why shouldn't it be now?"

"Now is not good timing. Now is not..." he was distracted again, his eyes once again absorbed in my ceiling. "I'm... hungry," he said softly. I thought at first that he was talking to himself before he dared a glance at my face.

"Not a good enough excuse," I taunted. I watched with secret satisfaction as his face took on an expression between disgust and disbelief.

"You are... something else," he replied, changing his mind mid-sentence. I giggled lightly, trying to dispel the dark atmosphere that had descended. Even he couldn't help but give me the tiniest of smiles. I hesitantly turned back to him, willing to forgive him for rejecting me once more and let him pull me close to him, kissing my forehead and tucking the blankets in around us so I wouldn't feel his cold body. I hated how he did that. But tonight I was suddenly too drowsy to argue and was just content to lie there and listen to him hum my lullaby as his fingers entwined their selves in my hair.

*****

The first thought that entered my mind in the morning was that the bed was warm. Too warm. With my eyes still closed I let one of my hands drift aimlessly around the bedclothes for a while until I was certain that he wasn't there. I hated that, too.

'Well, this has gotten my day off to a bad start already' I thought to myself as I trudged downstairs, following the promising scent of coffee coming from the kitchen. Charlie was sitting at the little table reading the daily newspaper and mumbling to himself as I stumbled in, running my fingers through the mess of hair. For a moment I remembered last night, and how Edwards fingers had felt running through my hair – how his cold fingers at the base of my neck had sent shivers down my spine.

I shook my head slightly to clear the image from my mind. This was what made Charlie finally look up from his paper. He nodded his head in greeting and greeted me gruffly.

"'Morning Bella. Sleep well?"

"I need coffee," I groaned as if this was the answer to his question. I heard him snicker as I shuffled over to the kettle and poured myself a steaming cup of freshly ground coffee. Just inhaling the scent made me feel slightly more _alive_.

Grabbing a box of Cheerios I took the one remaining seat next to Charlie and began the slow mechanical rhythm of eating breakfast. Scoop, chew, swallow. Scoop, chew, swallow. I had nothing but school to look forward to today, so I saw no reason in rushing anything. Charlie excused himself to get ready for work just as I was finishing the last few spoonfuls of cereal.

The steady plod of his footsteps ascending the stairs made me giggle inwardly. 'P.C Plod. How original' I thought to myself but was yanked out of my thoughts once more by the sound of light knocking on the door. I jumped up from my chair, the idea of seeing Edward again made me feel more rejuvenated than an entire vat of coffee could ever make me feel.

Sure enough, Edward was standing on the porch – his hair more messy than usual due to the strong wind. His hands were shoved in the front pockets of his parka to give the illusion that he felt the bitter cold outside.

Words hardly needed to be used with us two, but with Charlie in the house it was better safe than sorry.

"Good morning, Bella!" Edward boomed, making me jump a little. Sure enough, Charlie's head appeared at the top of the stairs, a towel slung around his neck. Edward pretended that the appearance of Charlie was the best thing he could have asked for at that moment.

"Good morning to you, to, Officer Swan!" he smiled warmly up at him. Charlie just gave a manly grunt.

"Yep. Morning. Coffee in the kitchen if you want it."

"Thank you, Sir."

His head quickly disappeared again. Edward couldn't help but suppress a chuckle at the obvious effort Charlie was making to be some form of polite to him. I rolled my eyes at him and pulled him towards me, waiting for my good morning kiss now that Charlie was out of the way.

Without missing a beat, he slung his arm over my shoulder and pulled me to his chest, lifting me up a little to place a lingering kiss on my lips. I loved our good morning kisses. They were the sweetest, the most gentle. Today it made me a little delirious. But that may have just been due to the fact that I was so out-of-it anyway.

"Come with me to get some coffee. I'm going to take a thermos of it for the drive," I whispered, too tired to talk any louder. Before I could turn around to head for the kitchen he was back with a full steaming thermos of hot coffee. I took a sip. He had added the exact right amount of sugar and milk. He was so perfect, it was annoying.

Although I knew he couldn't read my mind, it seemed like at that moment he had, because my thoughts about him being annoyingly perfect seemed to make him grin smugly.

"What can I say?" he said, pulling me to him once more to place a wonderfully sensational kiss on my lips again.

"Stop! You're dazzling me too much for one morning!" I murmured, but with no intention of pulling away from his powerful embrace, as he began to trail rather ticklish kisses down my neck.

The sound of a throat clearing brought my attention back to the present. Charlie was standing there in his uniform, with his gun belt in his hand. If he thought that this might scare Edward enough to step away from me he was, of course, sorely mistaken. Edward did stop his assault on my overheated skin, however.

"Well... I'm off to school, then," I mumbled, not able to tear my eyes from Edwards as he slung my bag over his shoulder and grabbed my hand, squeezing it as he passed Charlie.

"Right. School. Have fun, kids. Pay attention in class and... stuff like that," he grumbled as he motioned for us to exit the door first. Edwards shiny Volvo was parked next to Charlies cruiser. Opening the door for me like a true gentleman, he handed me my coffee and walked over to the drivers side, climbing in and giving me a cheeky look.

"What?" I asked, watching Charlies cruiser pull away from the house and head off down the road. Edward didn't respond for a while, he just sat there watching my expectant expression. It almost seemed for a moment as if he was arguing inside his head about something. When he finally did respond, his voice was hoarse, rough. I hadn't heard him speak like this before.

"Can I give you your real good morning kiss now?" he suddenly asked, his hand already moving to cup my face but hesitating. As if I had the strength to say no. I nodded faintly but all thoughts were lost once more as his mouth descended on mine. This kiss was not the same as any other good morning kiss that I had ever been given. This kiss was full of passion and lust. I dropped my coffee cup, but Edward caught it without a glance and placed it hastily on the dashboard his lips never leaving mine once. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me towards him as I felt his tongue begin its relentless plundering of my mouth. I suppressed a moan and sighed instead, my hands moving down from their possessive grasp in his hair to the front of his chest. This seemed to be what made him pull away. He grimaced at my disappointed expression.

"We're going to be late," he explained, though I was by no means convinced that being late was the reason for his sudden withdrawal. Making my best angry face, I pulled myself up into the appropriate seating position to be taken by the passenger in a car that is about to be driven by a speed-obsessed vampire. He laughed at my expression – as if leaving me willing and breathless was no effort for him. Scowling, I snatched my coffee back up off the dashboard I drained it in five gulps, not being able to wait until I was out of the car. Just the sheer proximity of Edward made me feel a little dizzy today.

I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief as we pulled into the parking lot and I caught a glimpse of Alice's new yellow convertible. She was sitting on the hood, completely absorbed in a conversation with Jasper. When she caught a glimpse of our car turning to park in the empty space next to theirs she gave me a brief smile before resuming her conversation with Jasper, her hands gesturing as if she was trying to explain something difficult.

I slowly clambered out of the car, trying my best not to trip over anything this morning. Falling flat on my face would do nothing to calm my mood today. Alice swung her legs over the side of her car as Jasper went about collecting their books from the car.

"Hello, Bella!" she beamed, leaning over to wrap me in her tiny arms and squeeze me with impossible strength.

"Hey," I replied, returning her smile with one of my own.

Jasper appeared with both their book bags slung over one shoulder, as Alice leapt from the hood of her car and landed gracefully on her feet.

"Hello, Bella. How are you?" Jasper asked me as he wrestled with Alice for her book bag.

"Good thanks. Well... tired I suppose," I grinned wearily back.

"Thank you," Alice chirped as he finally released his hold on her bag and linked arms with her instead.

"Tired. Wow. What does that feel like?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. I resisted the urge to hit him, but knew that the pain that resulted for me wasn't worth it. I settled for just rolling my eyes at him.

"Terrible," I growled as I began the treacherously tiring trudge uphill to the gates of school. Those damn vampires, of course, sailed past me with ease.

"Well lucky for you little Edward won't be able to... disrupt your sleeping time tonight," Jasper replied, a superior grin on his face.

"Oh?" I was surprised to hear this until I remembered his 'warning' to me the night before.

"We're going hunting tonight," Edward said, confirming my suspicions. I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. I could never sleep without him next to me.

"Yes. Eddie, Jazz and I are going to catch us some elk!" Alice said cheekily.

"Yum, elk again," Jasper mumbled.

"Better an elk than Bella," I heard Edward say under his breath, and Alice glowered darkly at him as Jasper looked pointedly in the other direction.

I knew that Jasper would always feel terrible about my 18th birthday party when I had sliced open my finger on one of my presents and he reacted to the sight and smell of my blood as any other normal vampire would.

He surprised me when he laughed it off. I rarely saw Jasper laugh, and I wondered if he was doing it for me.

*****

School that day was uneventful to say the least. It seemed to drag by even slower now that I had nothing to look forward to. At lunch I headed over to the Cullen's and my usual table. Alice was already sitting there, a tray in front of her containing a cup of soup. She was drumming her fingers on the table loudly, staring off into the distance, and I wondered if she was having a vision. Her eyes snapped to my face once she saw me, though, and she gestured for me to sit, handing me her cup of soup to save me having to stand in line.

"What time are you leaving?" I asked, beginning what looked like pumpkin soup but had bits of dodgy cafeteria meat floating in it.

"In about 15 minutes," I heard a smooth voice whisper in my ear. I was grateful for this distraction as it put off the need to eat my soup for a moment. A pair of cool, strong arms wrapped around my waist as he knelt down beside my seat so his face was level with mine.

"Sorry I'm deserting you," he whispered, looking truly upset.

"Come on, I've lived through this before. Although in all fairness I am going to be bored to death tonight. Charlie is working back at the station, and I don't have to go to Newtons tonight either. The library sounds exciting." I added, trying to ease his guilt.

He seemed to be reconsidering his hunting trip after all, but one stern look from Alice and I set it in stone.

"Don't deny that you are starved, Eddie," she scorned.

"It's OK, just go. I promise I won't hurt myself," I teased, but my grin faded in surprise when he suddenly pulled himself to me, his lips finding mine. My fingers naturally ran through his messy hair, pulling him closer to me as his tongue swiped my bottom lip making me sigh. I heard Alice clear her throat but we didn't stop. I found myself melded to his mouth, unable and unwilling to pull away from him as his fingers pulled loose my hair from its messy knot so that he could grab a handful of it as my hands took a firm hold of his shirt collar, pulling him even closer to me, so that he slid in between my legs. I was now finding myself fighting the urge to slide off the chair and into his lap so that I could feel all there was to feel of Edward Cullen.

It took three wolf whistles and 5 catcalls, as well as two dropped plates from two very jealous girls before we finally separated, both of us slightly breathless. I only just noticed that Alice had left. Then the embarrassment set in and I was frozen in horror as the room was silent and everybody was focused on me and Edward. Knowing full well that he couldn't leave me here, he swiftly pulled me up, wrapped his solid arm around my waist once more and pulled me out into the parking lot, away from the curious eyes of my classmates.

"That was... embarrassing!" I cried as soon as we were out of earshot of the cafeteria. He didn't reply as his lead me towards his car, towing me along effortlessly. Alice was already waiting, posed on the hood of her car like she had been waiting for a very long time.

"You guys finished, or are you going to start making out here as well?" she said trying to sound stern, but I could see a hint of a smile fighting to emerge on her pretty face. Edward said something to her in that impossible-to-understand vampiric tongue that made her give him a dirty look before hopping into her car with Jasper and speeding off.

"I'm going to drop you off at your house first. Is that okay? I don't think you could withstand another two hours of being whistled at today."

"You know me well," I replied, sliding into his Volvo and praying silently that dropping me off would end in another smouldering kiss.

**End of Chapter 1**


	2. Return

Hi guys! Sorry it took a while to upload (2 days OMG lol) I was busy with work and the likes so... don't be too hard on me pretty please 

Okay so this is chapter 2 there is no actual sex yet but there will be next chapter this is more of the lead on. Also I know that I said I'd have 4 chapters but the way things are looking now it seems like I'll have more. Maybe 5. Wish me luck with the writing please and thanks for the reviews (those sweet and wonderful people who did take the time to review it means the world ) Okay... so... I really hope you like it and I will try and upload chapter 3 as soon as possible as it will be pretty straightforward I think.

ENJOY and please review and give constructive criticism or tell me which part you likes best.

Thanks heaps

~MrsJasperHale

*~*~*~*

It did.

As I lay in bed that night with the window thrown open in the hope of tempting some cool breeze to waft in, I couldn't help but remember the power with which he had crushed his lips to mine before I clambered out of his car that afternoon. It was as if it was going to take longer than one night before he would see me again. It was almost as if he was apologising for something.

My eyes closed momentarily of their own account as I remembered the way his icy fingers had clenched the material of my shirt, yanking me towards him. I couldn't help but shiver – in pleasure, not from his arctic touch – as his hands grazed the bared skin of my stomach, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind. How I had so desperately wanted to launch myself at him, to wrap myself around him and never let him leave me again.

But when you're sitting in the passenger seat of a Volvo with the gearstick digging into your left kidney it's uncomfortable to say the least.

"Tomorrow night," he had promised me, breathless, before he sped off down the road as the rain started to pour down.

For one second I felt like one of those damsels in distress from a soppy romantic movie. Her one true love has left her standing in the rain, waiting only for his safe return. Now love might have softened my heart a little, but not that much. I had to restrain from pulling a face at how pitiful I must look standing on the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

I finally gave up waiting for something to happen and headed inside, wringing out my dripping hair as I flipped through the mail on the doormat. Nothing of interest it seemed – a couple of bills, an invitation from one of Charlies workmates to come over to watch the footy on his new flat screen TV, as well as a coupon for dinner for two at The Lodge. Fascinating. I threw the papers on the kitchen table and trudged upstairs, knowing that after my shower I would have to clean up the muddy mess that my boots were leaving behind.

Turning on the hot water tap I waited the usual 3 minutes before the water turned lukewarm to warm to very warm to hot. I didn't bother with the cold tap as the water never reached excruciating temperatures at my house. The hot water soothed me a little, and relaxed me enough to distract my thoughts from Edward momentarily to make some plans for tonight. I knew that unless my mind was elsewhere I was never going to be able to rest tonight. I let my mind drift back to the conversation I had had with him at lunch before he had turned my mind to goo with his... there I go again.

The library. That had been my plan before...

I shook my head as I turned off the tap and slowly dried myself off. The library was good. The library was safe. By the time I had gotten downstairs Charlie had resumed his usual position in front of the television. He had a bowl of chips in front of him and he was spooning them into his mouth like he was dying of hunger.

"Where's Edward?" he asked, a suspicious look on his face like he expected Edward to be hiding upstairs in my room.

"God knows," I replied truthfully, but realised that this may sound a little harsh.

"Camping with his family again, I mean." I added quickly.

"Camping again, eh? What do you suppose they do out there? Hunt? Carlisle doesn't strike me as the mounted-deer's-head-on-the-wall type," Charlie mumbled, his eyes still glued to the screen.

"He's not!" I answered quickly. Too quickly. Charlie turned his head to glare at me.

"No need to shout. Well I tell you what, it wouldn't have been too bad if they'd taken out some of those wolves we had a problem with that year eh?" he chortled to himself before stuffing his mouth with more potato chips. I had to fight the urge to run from the room and instead grabbed my bag and headed for the door before he could ask me why I didn't find his hilarious joke funny.

"I'm off to the library. I won't be home too late," I said before rushing out the door letting it slam shut behind me. I climbed into my truck and sped off (well, in my truck that meant doing 50) down the road. The drive to the library only took 10 minutes but because my mind had drifted I missed the turn off and had to go around the long way. When I finally got there it was twilight. I knew that the library stayed open much later this time of year because a lot of kids were studying for end of year papers and assignments. I slowly pulled myself up the steps towards the giant glass doors that held a sign that read "Welcome to the world of knowledge."

How corny. The library was not packed (which was not unusual) but there were a few groups of teenagers in different areas of the library some of them typing away furiously on computers and others absorbed in mountains of books. A few groups had gathered around the centre table obviously in a group study session. I recognized a few of the faces as Jessica, Angela and Ben. Then I saw someone else crouched over the table with them a thick book in his hands. Jacob. He spied me hiding behind a bookshelf and excused himself, walking towards me almost as if he was stalking his prey. I immediately pretended that I was completely absorbed in the first book I spied which turned out to be (rather embarrassingly) a book called 'Vampires: The Legend and the History of the Demon Drinkers'. Oh crap.

"Hey Bells," Jacob drawled, sauntering over to the armchair where I had seated myself in a hurry and squashing himself in the small space between me and the side of the chair (which was about 10 inches at the most).

"Ow!" I grumbled. "When I'm already in a shitty mood I don't take to being sat on kindly!" I snapped as I shoved him onto the floor where he landed with grace and crossed his legs, looking up at me expectantly. I pretended to ignore him and continued reading my book but it seemed Jacob did not take to being ignored kindly, either.

"B-ella, Be-lla, Bel-la, Bell-a!" he chanted. I realised then that there was no way I was going to be able to unwind at the library either. Not with Jacob here.

"Hey I was looking for that book!" he suddenly cried, yanking the book out of my hands and tearing it open his eyes now glued to the tiny print. I knew he was only doing this to annoy me, especially when he started reading the passages in his own words.

"Wow. Did you know that vampires are known for violently killing their human girlfriends? What are the odds of that? I mean, really. Oh and look at this! It says here that vampires were also known for keeping a vital organ from their most loved victim, sort of like a trophy of their kill. Delicious."

I groaned inwardly. Jacob was seriously getting on my nerves and I would have jumped up and ran out of there except I didn't have anywhere else to go.

"Speaking of bloodsuckers... where's yours?" he asked me suddenly. He must have noticed my uneasiness as he seemed to answer his own question.

"Hunting, of course. Sorry," he said and he seemed for a moment to be contemplating asking me something else. It was then that I realised I would be better off trapped in my thoughts at home than trapped here with Jacob for any longer.

"Sorry Jake, I've got to go. I've got assessments and stuff and so much to get ready for tomorrow. See you soon?" I blurted as I gathered my bag and hoisted myself up from the cushy armchair.

"Sure, sure. I recognise a hint when I hear one, Bells!" he smiled at me and walked me to the door. "I'm staying here a little while longer myself. Got to prepare myself for some school tests and that stuff. I passed my French my the way. 95%. Billy is proud of me," he boasted as he handed me my jacket.

"As am I, Jake. Well done and thanks, but I really have to be going now."

"When is he coming back?" I heard his voice behind me as the electric whir of the automatic doors unleashed an unholy howl of wind in from outside, blowing my hair over my face and causing shivers to wrack my body.

"What!" I cried over the howl of the wind.

"Edward. When is he coming back?" he called again. I was halfway down the stone stairs now, running towards my truck which I knew would be only marginally warmer than it was outside.

"Don't know, Jake! Soon, I hope! I've really got to go now!" I screamed into the wind as I climbed into the driver's side of my truck and let out a whoosh of warm air as the door slammed shut behind me and the deafening noise of the wind quieted down by a fraction. I heard Jacob yell something else out to me that sounded like "I need to ask you something" but I couldn't be sure and there was no way in hell I was going to get out of this truck again. I glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw him standing on the stone steps, a russet blur through the pummelling rain. Sighing, I pulled slowly away from the car park and down the main road, not questioning for a moment how Jacob was going to get home as I had not seen his bike anywhere near the library.

*~*~*~*

The moment I got home Charlie was waiting for me on the couch.

"That boy called just then, he did," he mumbled. I noticed that his bowl of chips was empty and sitting next to him on the floor but he had a new bowl on his stomach filled with peanuts.

I knew that Charlie referred to Edward as 'that boy' because he didn't want to make it seem like he approved of the handsome young man who had romanced his innocent little girl. But I knew that no matter how much he tried to dislike Edward, it was impossible. Nobody could hate a boy with such a beautiful face, such wonderful manners and such gentlemanly charms. I knew that was what being a vampire made you – irresistible. And Charlie did like Edward. He just didn't want to give in and admit it anytime soon.

"Really?" Edward never called during a hunting trip. He was 'in the zone' the whole time and was more hunter than human at that time as his instincts took control for the entire hunt until his thirst was completely sated and he was away from the temptations of the wildlife.

"Yes. I said something about coming back early because they got lucky and there were plenty of good spots nearer to the house this time. I don't know how good camping spots can just appear though..." he trailed off, giving me his professional I-don't-know-what-you're-up-to-but-I'll-find-out looks that he usually saved for wrongdoers and street kids that he arrested.

"Yeah. Um, that's good that he's coming back early though. I miss him." I said, not bothering to cover it up anymore.

"It's only been one day, Bella. You can't possibly miss him that much." He shook his head in a disbelieving fashion. An ad came on TV and he motioned for me to sit next to him.

"Tell me Bella, how do you really feel about him?" I was shocked at his outburst of parental concern. Usually he just let me get on with my life while he got on with his and I had never suspected that one day he would reach out to me through Edward.

I took a hesitant seat next to him, not sure if I was comfortable talking about this with him. But then, I thought 'what the hell?' He's going to find out some way or another right?

"I – I love him Dad. I've never felt this way about anyone before. When he's near me I feel so safe, so protected. I feel like I can do anything as long as he is with me. When he's gone – well I feel vulnerable. And I feel a little pointless at times. It's like he's the other half of me and when he's not here I'm just... kind of ripped in two you know? I'm not whole again until we're together. It sounds stupid but this is what I think love is. Really."

"What love is, huh? I wish I knew what love was when I met your mother. Maybe we could have worked it out if I'd known. But as for you and Edward... I just don't know. You can't be dependent only on him, love. He's a boy. He'll do things that he'll regret – that you'll regret. I don't want to see my baby get hurt because she is head-over-heels in love with a boy. Now I'm not saying I don't trust him but I just want to know that you see where I'm coming from." He took my hand in his.

"I know, Dad. And I need you to know that I trust him with my life. I love him so much that words couldn't even comprehend..."

"Bella I do have to ask you one thing, though. Well I know that you and Edward have been seeing each other for a while and I want you to be aware of the fact that if there is anything either of you want to ask me – about anything – I'm here to listen and help." He was using his cop voice now and I could tell he was getting a little uncomfortable. We both also knew that I would never be telling him any aspect of my sex life.

"Just know that I trust you, and I trust Edward. I know that you're both good kids – great kids – and I know that you'll do what's right." The TV show had resumed and I knew that there was no point continuing this conversation. Excusing myself I ran upstairs, knowing that Edward would be there. I almost felt empowered now that I knew Charlie approved of my relationship with Edward.

Sure enough, the moment I walked into my room two strong, cold arms wrapped themselves around me and one pair of full icy lips descended on mine. My arms were pinned to my sides and I struggled to release them so that I could tangle them in his hair. I was surprised when he did let me go for a moment – to let me breathe, I assumed – before lifting me up and throwing me down on the bed. The wind was knocked out of me and I gasped, but Edward was soon crawling up to bed towards me. His hands grabbed fistfuls of my hair as his mouth crushed to mine again with an almost painful force. I whimpered as his cold body hovered over mine before he released most of his weight from his elbows so his body was resting on top of mine. He was heavy, and he was cold, and his weight knocked the air out of me again.


	3. Don't Say A Word

"Bella, I've missed you too much," he smiled at me underneath him. I wasn't in much of a mood for niceties, but I humoured him anyway.

"I've been going crazy, Edward. I ran into Jacob in the library today. He was pissing me off, as usual," I replied, curling into his coolness. "Why was that hunt so quick?" I added, curious now.

"The elks, they... were... in... breeding... season... so... naturally... they all came down... to the lake... to mate," he murmured, separating nearly every word with a kiss to my lips. My fingers tangled in his hair, trying to pull him closer to me. I was frustrated with the amount of control he was issuing. It was as if he was the only one who could kiss me. I gave up and used my one weapon – I raised my hips and wrapped my legs around his waist. His arms were wrapped around me still, but I knew he was about to pull away. I knew that lying on top of me was more than he could usually take, and that was without me being wrapped around him. But I didn't want him too. Not this time.

"Edward," I whispered as he moved to roll off of me.

"What's the matter?" he asked, almost concerned.

"Don't stop tonight. I trust you, Edward. I – need you more than ever. Please, let's just try once."

"Bella - " he started, and I knew that he didn't want to leave me any more than I wanted him too.

"I know you think you're going to kill me, but you're going to make love to me some day, wouldn't it be better if it was sooner rather than later?"

"You're a soap bubble, Bella. You're my delicate soap bubble and I am a pin. One wrong move and I could -"

"Kill me. I know. And I don't care. I'd rather die tonight knowing what making love to you feels like then become a vampire and not be me when it happens. I trust you. Please," I whispered softly in his ear. And then my legs clenched around his waist, pulling him tighter to me, and all thoughts were lost as his mouth descended on mine.

I arched my back, wanting to feel him – all of him – against me. It didn't take much pleading on my behalf before he was pressed up tightly against me. I could feel every line of his body - from the musculature of his chest to the rather noticeable erection grazing the inside of my thigh.

His kisses became less passionate and more urgent. His tongue was no longer gently sweeping against mine but plowing relentlessly into my mouth. His hands left my hair, trailing down my neck towards my tank top. It took me a reason before I noticed I was no longer wearing the 3 layers of thermal vests and wondered if he had kept a fistful of them in his hand when he had pushed me down onto the bed and therefore ripped them off.

My thoughts were brought back to the present abruptly when his hand that was resting on the top of my chest turned my favourite tank top into a white rag in seconds and I raised my head to argue, but his hand travelled up to my neck pushing me back down to the bed again. I was writhing helplessly underneath his cold body, impatient and curious.

My hands cautiously began unbuttoning his shirt, going slow in case he changed his mind. That seemed to be the opposite of what he intended on doing. He was urging me on, breathing harshly into my neck as my movements to reach his buttons caused his erection to grind up against my centre.

"Oh my God," I murmured as he quite literally tore my bra – my favourite one, of course – off of my body and I heard the soft thud as it hit the wall. His lips left mine for a moment and I was seriously considering complaining until I felt them envelope one of my nipples in his freezing cold mouth. This was heaven. The temperature only made me want it more as he circled my nipple with his tongue and nipped at it with his teeth while tweaking the opposite one with his icy fingers. My hands were frantic, ripping open the rest of his shirt and groaning as this caused him to bite down a little too much. It would have hurt if I wasn't already so turned on.

He released my nipple from his mouth, as he began the rocking motions of sex. My legs had slipped down to his hips as he grinded against me, both of us moaning in unison.

"Take them off!" I moaned, my fingers grasping the bed sheets. He obediently slipped my shorts off my legs, throwing them over his shoulder before his fingers trailed down my body to the one place I wanted them.

"Yesssssssss," I sighed as his fingers disappeared inside my panties. He began with slow stroking motions, not sure of what to do, but my moaning urged him on and he slipped two of his fingers into me with ease, commencing with slow thrusting motions as his thumb found placement on my clitoris, slowly massaging it in time with the thrusts of his fingers. He was taking his time, because he had all the time in the world. I didn't, however. I started raising my hips to his hand, trying to get him to increase the speed at which he pleasured me.

He did speed up, his fingers becoming what must look like a blur now as he used his vampire speed to twist his fingers around and curl them in a "come here" motion. I felt his fingertips hitting my g-spot and let loose a wail that I was sure would wake Charlie. But at this point I couldn't give a damn if Aro himself appeared right next to the bed.

"Yes! Please, Edward... oh GOD! D-don't stop, just... just...," my words cut off as my back arched impossibly as I climaxed. I heard him chuckle smugly before pinning me back to the bed as I was groaning what could have been a string of quite insulting words if they were not used for the same reason.

I let my hands travel lower as I caught my breath, finding his belt and yanking it open. He was quick to shake off his pants resume his previous position on top of me. Although we both had our underwear on, the feel of his erection pressed enticingly into the apex of my thighs made me sigh not so much with pleasure but with relief. He fit so perfectly between my thighs. It was as if we were made for each other.

I wanted to touch him, but his harsh intake of breath stopped me inches from my prize.

"Bella, don't. It'll be too much," he groaned softly, apologetically. And then his hands travelled back up to wind under my shoulders and he adjusted himself between my thighs so that he was in the right position. I raised my hips, anxious, and I heard him sigh in amusement at my eagerness.

"Patience, beautiful," he breathed in my ear. And then, without further hesitation, he thrust into me. At first I felt pain. Not much at all, I was expecting much worse for a first time. It was a dull pain that turned quickly into a throbbing while my body adjusted to him. I was suddenly glad that I hadn't touched him before this moment because I felt that if I had I would have chickened out. It felt huge. That was an understatement. It felt like I was being split in two but in a strangely pleasurable way. I wondered if I was sick in the head for a moment before deciding that this was no moment to be thinking. Period.

His head was buried in my shoulder, and I could feel his cold harsh breathing against my heated skin. He suddenly pulled out, before slamming back in to the hilt causing my head to rise off the pillow and my hands grasp at his cold marble shoulders. He felt too good inside me. He repeated the movement, a little harder this time, and I let loose a strangled whine as he hit my g-spot again and again as he continued thrusting into me.

"Oh God, Edward! Yes... do it harder, FUCK ME HARDER!" I cried, locking my legs behind his waist once more to push him further into me. He froze, and I wondered if it was because he had never heard me use the work 'fuck' before, let alone addressed to him. I pulled my face back from his shoulder to glance at his face – to urge him on – and my heart stopped. Because the face that I was looking into was not the same as my Edwards familiar face. This face was infuriated, wild, and made me cringe as he leant down towards me.

"Don't. Say. A. Word." he growled in my ear. And with those four words I was suddenly frightened. My Edward wouldn't have said this. He would have been gentle and whispered something in my ear that made me arch towards him, not shrink away. I tried to speak but his hand on my throat prevented any sound from being made. I wanted to trust him, to let him love me in any way he wanted - but I didn't want him like this. He was not right in the head at the moment. He was not being gentle with me. He was not holding me against him, he was not speaking beyond those four words and he was not touching me like he should be.

His hands were rough and they hurt as they grazed the sensitive skin of my now exposed stomach as he began to pump in and out of me relentlessly. His lips descended to mine once more and I let out a silent cry but his hand was over my mouth. He wasn't going to let me make a sound. My arms automatically strained to cross over my chest, to protect myself, but my wrists were clamped in his vise-like grip and pinned into the pillows above my head. If I was helpless before, I was doomed now. But I didn't give up the struggle. I was wriggling all I could, trying in vain to push him off of me. My eyes were closed this whole time, maybe to stop myself from seeing the face of the one man I loved with all my heart as he planned his next moves. The second I did open them, I screamed into his hand once more. His eyes weren't the golden-brown of a just-fed vampire but the dark black eyes of a vampire that was hungry. For my blood.

"Shh, Bella, be quiet!" he scolded as he took in my expression. His voice soothed me a little. Maybe it was because I was praying that he had regained his composure, that he had realised what he'd done. But I was wrong. He still had the manic glint in his eyes that made me instantly wish I would be better off dead then to endure whatever it was he might do to me. I heard Charlies footsteps downstairs.

"Dad!" I shrieked but the sound came out as a muffled cry against Edward's stone hands. I couldn't breathe now. His weight was pressing down on every inch of my body, my chest heaving to suck in sufficient air to breathe let alone cry for help.

"Bella! Be calm. I can't bear to hear you scream." The voice that was once the sweetest I had known growled in my ear at a tone so low and husky I was reminded of another voice. James' voice - telling me to ask Edward to avenge me as he leant over me with a twisted smile on his face, before breaking my leg as easily as snapping a stick. The voice repulsed me.

His hand then clamped itself under my chin, forcing my head up at an angle where I was staring into his eyes. The fiery black pits were as cold as the rest of him.

"I'm sorry Bella. I can't help myself. I'm so sorry," he groaned as his thrusting picked up pace (if that was possible).

His lips descended to my neck, licking and nibbling, but not biting. Now that my hands were free I moved them to his chest, pushing weakly at him.

"Edward, please don't do this," I whispered into his shoulder as his kisses ceased.

"Why not, Bella? You're always telling me you want this. It's my turn now," and his voice had transformed into that twisted tone once more. He let go of me, resting his hands on either side of me as he began pounding into me with incredible speed. And incredible force. I didn't have the guts to shriek in case he clamped his hand over my mouth again.

His thrusting became more forceful, almost as if he was trying to disappear completely inside of me. I couldn't feel my legs anymore, they were numb from being bent at this odd angle. 'Will he kill me?' the thought flew through my mind as I glared at his face suspended above mine. 'He certainly looks like he could,' one voice in my head said while the other tutted 'Why Bella, he loves you. He's sorry. He won't kill you.', I was finding it hard to trust either voice.

He began grunting into my shoulder. It almost sounded like he was swearing but in his vampiric language because I couldn't understand a word. I couldn't understand anything, really at that moment. I had hardly even faced the fact yet that the one man I had trusted with my life had finally done what he'd been afraid of. He had lost control with me. I let out a soft cry now, too frightened to do anything much louder than that as the pain became too much to bear in silence. It felt like I was being stabbed with a knife each time he ploughed into me with enough force that I was cracking my head against the wall behind my bed as he took me mercilessly.

I had to try.

"Ed-ward p-please s-top! P-please. I l-love y-ou!" I wasn't sure if my stuttering was because my head was being bashed against the wall or because I was crying. Tears were running down my face now, and one ran off of my cheek landing on his hand which was next to my head. He stopped. It was like he suddenly froze in time again. I barely had time to blink away my tears so that I could see clearly before I noticed that he was glaring at that single teardrop on the back of his hand. He was staring at it as if it had the ability to jump off of his hand and massacre him with ease. And then he looked – slowly – away from that droplet of moisture into my eyes. They were red-rimmed and watery and his thumb came up to brush away another tear under my eye. I winced, expecting him to hurt me. He saw this expression and for a moment looked curious before his face broke down.

His voice was shaking when he said my name.

"Bella, Bella... what have I done?" he said so quietly it was almost to himself. Then he glanced down at himself and saw the way his fingers had left dark marks on my thighs, how I was bleeding onto the sheets – onto him, and how there was bits of loose plaster in my hair.

"FUCK!" he suddenly shouted. I jolted underneath him in fear and this obviously reminded him that he was still buried inside me. His eyes were smouldering in what could only be self-loathing, and I was worried for him. Within two seconds he was at the end of the bed pulling on his jeans and whispering to himself.

"Edward. Edward. Edward!" I finally cried. I had caught sight of the amount of blood that had stained the sheets and retched.

"I'm leaving. Italy. Volturi. Death." He was speaking in keywords because I know that was all he was capable of doing.

"Don't you dare leave, Edward Cullen!" I demanded, angry as hell that he was even considering deserting me. I knew that I didn't want him here with me at the moment, but I didn't want him to go and kill himself.

He stared at me as if he had only just noticed I was in the room.

"Bella. I can't do this. Look at you! I'm a monster, Bella. I'm not going to live through this," he growled as he shrugged on his shirt. I tried to cover up the bloodstains with the sheets but he caught sight of them.

"Did I do that?" he asked in a strained voice, gesturing to the stain with a pained expression on his face.

I barely nodded and he was at my side. I knew that he was too afraid to touch me, but that still wouldn't overtake his need to benefit my wellbeing at my time of need.

"Edward don't go. You'll only make it worse," I pleaded as he stood hesitantly at the side of my bed, eyeing the stain wearily as if he wasn't entirely sure of what to do about it.

"How can I make it worse? I just – raped you – and you think that by me leaving it will make it worse?" he spat, disgusted with himself.

"You didn't rape me. You didn't mean to. It was nobody's fault-"

"It's MY fault, Bella. I've bruised you, I've made you bleed. I was looking down at your face and I couldn't stop myself from treating you like a ragdoll! You can't trust me anymore, Bella! I've deceived you. You can't love me for this. I'm sorry. You deserve someone who wouldn't do this to you," and before I could argue with him, before I could wrap my arms around his torso and not let go until he promised to stay, he was gone.

And once again I was alone.


	4. A Surprise Visitor

I lost count of the minutes I sat there in bed staring out of the window. I didn't remember ripping the sheets off of the bed or throwing them in the washing machine. I couldn't recall the thudding of the machine as it began its spin cycle. All I remember is sliding down the wall onto the laundry floor and crying. Big, heaving, gasping sobs that made my lungs ache for oxygen. I hated this emptiness that Edward had left in me. I had finally got what I'd asked for – but at what price? My safety? My dignity? I must have at one point crawled back up the stairs trying to ignore the pain between my thighs and collapsed onto my mattress. I was exhausted but I knew that the screeching sound the hot water tap made when it was turned on before 4:00 in the morning would wake Charlie.

Charlie.

Hadn't he heard me scream for him? Didn't he hear my head smash against the head board repeatedly and the harsh breathing coming from my room? Could a father really sleep through that?

And that's how I fell asleep that night. On top of the bare mattress, shivering in the sudden coldness that this room held and hoping that it would be okay.

*~*~*~*

"Bella? Wake up, honey! It's 7.30! Um, what happened to your sheets?" Charlie's voice was warped in my semi-conscious head. I felt like shit, which wasn't hard to believe, but I knew that I had to keep up the facade for Charlie.

"Spilt milk on them," I grumbled as I cautiously sat up in bed, eyeing my sleeping situation in case there were any more blood spots on my mattress.

"Milk? Last night?" Charlie was in a rather doubtful mood this morning.

"Last night, I was thirsty so I went downstairs to get a glass of... milk, and I spilt it all over my sheets," I explained grumpily as I slowly swung my legs over the side of the bed and winced as the expected pain began stabbing at me again. The pain was a lot better than it was earlier, but it still caused me discomfort to walk.

"Well alright then, Miss. What do you want for breakfast? I don't want you to be late for school."

"I don't want food. I feel sick," I said, bowing my head. It wasn't a straight out lie. I did feel sick to the stomach. But it was mainly the thought of seeing Edward at school that made my stomach turn. Or maybe he wouldn't be in school. Maybe he would hide out again like he did when he had first seen me. Maybe he was scared of me now that I had brought out the worst in him.

"Well that's too bad. At least have some coffee?" Charlie was reasoning with me now. I gave in and let him lead me down the stairs to the kitchen. The scent of coffee was quite welcoming. I let him pour me a cup before taking a seat at the table opposite him while he began to butter a slice of toast. His newspaper lay unread on the table in front of him and he kept glancing at me in between swiping his knife over the piece of toast.

"You okay, Bells?" he asked, noticing my blank expression.

"I'm... fine. Actually I feel terrible, Dad. I think I need to go back to bed," I hinted.

He nodded once as if assessing the situation.

"Uh huh," he paused as he bit into his toast before continuing.

"You were having a bad dream last night," he commented. I almost dropped the cup on the floor.

"I could hear you crying. It sounded as if you were thrashing around a bit, too. I was going to wake you but I remembered what happened the last time I had woken you up! You almost had a heart attack! It didn't last for too long, though," he added, draining his cup of coffee and setting it down on the table before returning to his toast.

I didn't say a word.

"Why don't you make your bed and get some sleep. I'll call the school if you're not going in. I'm going in later today," Charlie said, noticing my pained expression. I barely nodded and began my slow and painful ascent up the stairs. But then a thought struck me. Would Edward turn up to drive me to school as usual? Or would he ignore me like I first guessed? What if he turned up and Charlie had to tell him that I wasn't well?

I grabbed some sheets from the hall cupboard and went about making my bed. It felt nice to slip on clean pillowcases and covers. It almost felt that with each new sheet I was erasing what had happened in this bed the night before.

Next on my agenda was a shower. I practically scalded myself with the water as I didn't realise that the water could reach this temperature. It hadn't before, that was for sure. But the heat did make me feel like I was burning away his touch from my skin. I covered myself from top to bottom in suds. Coconut scented suds. And then I sat cross legged on the floor of the shower, letting the hot water run down my neck and onto my back as tears slid down my face and I pulled my knees up to my chin causing me to wince as a familiar stab of pain ricocheted through my body.

I turned off the water before it ran cold and pulled on some cotton shorts and my second favourite tank top after rubbing myself down with a huge fluffy towel. I quickly dried my hair with a handtowel and crawled back into bed, curling up into the fetal position under the covers and shivering.

I must have dozed off because the sound of the door slamming jolted me awake rather rudely. The house was silent now, not even the sound of the refrigerator humming. I got out of bed, seeing my dressing gown but not being bothered to pull it on. I had little time nor patience to make an effort to stay neither warm nor decent anymore. I took the stairs two at a time finding the descent much less painful than the ascent. The living room was empty. The kitchen was empty. The front room was empty.

"Charlie?" I called.

No answer. The clock read 12.46pm. Of course. Charlie had said something about going in to work late today. Satisfied with this conclusion I slowly ascended the stairs again, grumbling to myself as I did so. My plan was to crawl right back into bed and sleep some more. But that thought was gone the second I stepped inside my room and saw a dark shape sitting on the rocking chair in the corner.

I screamed. Because I knew that Edward would not make an appearance yet, and as far as I was convinced Charlie wasn't here either. The shape didn't move for a while. It was about the same size as Edward, maybe a little taller and a little broader, but similar all the same. And then I felt an unfamiliar feeling of calm envelope me and I knew instantly who it was.

"JASPER?" I cried, still not sure if I should be scared or not. Jasper had always been a mystery to me, because he had always been older and quieter than the rest. And since my 18th birthday he had never come within a few metres of me just in case. I was shocked to find him in my room.

"Hello, Bella," he said quietly in his slightly accented voice.

"Not to be rude or anything, but what are you doing here!" I exclaimed, not wanting to get any closer to him in case he attacked.

"Edward told me what happened," he explained, his voice still soft and somewhat understanding.

"Well actually, Alice had a vision first of all, so she questioned Edward about it. He was hesitant, but he was deeply ashamed of himself. He sent me to help you," he added, still staring at me with wide, golden eyes.

Oh fuck. This was most definitely one of the most embarrassing days of my life. I might have screamed at him and demanded he get out of my room and out of my private life if I knew there was no way I could overpower a vampire. He smirked at my expression.

"No need to be embarrassed. I've seen it all, remember," he said.

"Don't play that I'm-centuries-older-than-you card, please!" I exclaimed, blushing in spite of myself. He laughed quietly to himself.

"There are 3 women in your family. Why couldn't one of them come?" I suddenly questioned.

"Well, it's Esme's turn to hunt today and Alice joined her again. She only caught the baby-elk last night since Edward was in such a rush to get back," he replied, laughing at the last one in his private joke.

"What about Rosalie?" I knew that she didn't like me so that was probably the reason why, but Jasper offered a different answer.

"Rosalie wanted to come, but she thought that maybe she wouldn't be the best person to talk to about this," he trailed off, glaring at the floor now. I didn't question what he meant. I was still embarrassed.

"So, he lost control with you last night?" he suddenly asked. I nodded my head, still in a state of shock. He nodded with me too, almost as if he was imitating me.

"Bella, I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened," he murmured softly after a moment's silence. I figured there was no way out of this except to tell the truth.

"Well... it was going fine until-" I began but Jasper cut me off. I could tell this was going to be difficult.

"Going fine? I guess you mean the... what do you call it? Making out?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied hesitantly.

"Until?" he urged me on. I sighed heavily.

"Until he... you know... until we..." I broke off, keeping my eyes averted from his.

"Yes I know," he nodded, not being able to keep a small smile from his face.

"And then he just lost control. His eyes went black and his voice changed and... it was scary," I whispered, not worrying if he could hear me or not because I was sure he could. He looked almost apologetic on Edward's behalf for a moment before he questioned me again.

"Was this the first time you had sex?" he asked, his expression still devoid of much expression.

"Yes," I mumbled. He exhaled loudly and scribbled something down on a notepad I didn't notice he was holding.

"And was there anything you said, or anything you did, that set him off?" he questioned again, and noted my squirming at the thought of answering the question.

"Yes," I mumbled again. He caught my eye.

"It's okay, Bella. You can tell me,"

"Well... I told him to... um... fuck me harder," I said in a voice so quiet it was practically a thought.

"Uh huh," he nodded, not seeming at all phased by my answer.

"You see, Bella, where vampires are concerned, sexual feelings are magnified one million times next to humans. Imagine what that was like for Edward. I think the reason he lost control is that he had promised himself that he would only do what you asked him too. I don't think he would ever imagine such descriptive words like that coming out of your innocent little mouth," he paused for a second to smirk. "Think of it as a literal mindset. If someone told him to 'get out of here' at that moment he might very well have walked out the door - if you see what I mean. He takes everything literally and everything seriously. I don't think he had anticipated what 'harder' would feel like for you as well as for him. He couldn't comprehend that. I'm sorry that this happened, Bella. Did you need to ask me anything else?" he asked, and in the dark light with his blonde hair he reminded me of a slightly younger Carlisle. He sure had that sympathetic doctor's tone down pat. I shook my head as he stood up.

"Are you in pain?" he suddenly asked, turning to look me up and down.

"Bruises, bleeding, cuts?" he added.

"Er, yes. Some bruises and bleeding. But mostly just soreness," I replied. I had completely gotten this embarrassment out of the way somewhere in the last 10 minutes although I was hesitant to use the word 'bleeding' in front of Jasper since I knew that was his weakness.

"Do you need to make an appointment? Or Carlisle could make you some painkillers, vampire-strength. It depends on the pain. Where's the bruises?" he asked, pushing up his sleeves as if he was going to examine me.

"On my thigh!" I exclaimed. If Jasper was still as sensitive to blood as he was last year I didn't favour the idea of sticking my legs up in front of him much. Not to mention I was sure Edward wouldn't be pleased with that either. Jasper seemed to understand where I was coming from and just smiled gently at me.

"Okay then. Will ordinary painkillers do?" he asked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a box of Paracetamol and tossing them down on the bed before opening the window and sliding his legs out so he was sitting on the ledge.

"Just remember that you're part of the family now. We love you and we care for you. Don't be afraid if you want to ask us something... even if it isn't me," he added and his smile broadened when he saw that he was able to coax a small one from me.

"Oh, and Jasper!" I cried before he disappeared. His turned to glance at me over his shoulder.

"When is he coming back to school?" I asked, trying not to sound as desperate as I was.

"He'll pick you up tomorrow at 8," Jasper grinned before launching himself onto the tree outside my window with ease and precision.

I waved goodbye as he disappeared out the window and I lay back on my bed. It wasn't Edwards fault. Jasper must have been right. It was his mindset that was disturbed, not him. I closed my eyes and easily dropped back off into a doze and must have slept through the afternoon and night as in the back of my mind I heard the TV playing the sports channel, the sound of a microwave, the pummelling of the shower and the slamming of Charlie's bedroom door.

Tomorrow would be better, I promised my sleepy mind.

Tomorrow I would see Edward again.


	5. Morning After EPOV

Edward POV

*~*~*~*

I couldn't stand to be near her anymore. I couldn't bring myself to look at her tear-streaked face one more time as she pleaded with me not to leave. The sensitive part of my brain was telling me to obey her, to curl up next to her and rock her to sleep while humming her lullaby softly in her ear... but the responsible side told me to leave. I didn't know if I would be able to touch her without losing control again. And I couldn't risk my beautiful Bella's life like that again.

So I did the most selfish thing I could have done in the circumstances. I left her, without as much as a goodbye. I felt like a common criminal – taking what he wanted and leaving his mess behind to pick up the pieces. I certainly didn't feel deserving of anybody's love, let alone a love so bottomless like Bella's. I knew that I had destroyed the part of her that trusted me to protect her. And I knew that if I did travel to Italy to end this miserable excuse of an existence, it would only hurt her more.

She didn't want me to hurt myself for hurting her. She was too caring for her own good. And she still wanted me. After all I had put her through, she still believed in me. I could feel it in the air as I made my escape.

These thoughts and more were what plagued my mind on the drive back to my house. I pondered whether I should drive off into a field – to pull myself together before making an appearance at home. I didn't want to appear as messed up as I was. But having Alice in the family made it difficult to go anywhere without being worried about. I wondered if she had seen what I had done to Bella in her mind. I wondered if she was waiting for my return home at this moment. And, most importantly, I wondered if she had told anyone else.

She was still out of my reading range, so I couldn't ask her myself. I decided to finish the trip home and confront whatever was waiting for me on the other side of the huge white door.

It turns out I didn't even have to get out of the car as Alice was already sitting cross-legged on the top of the letterbox, obviously awaiting my return.

"Is she okay?" was the first thing that came out of her mouth. She had an intense look of concern on her face, and it was only intensified by the flashing of her still-black eyes.

"I... don't know. I just left. I couldn't take it, Alice," I croaked as I slid from the car and slammed the door shut so hard I felt the car tremble. Alice jumped off the letterbox and marched right up to me. Her head was a few inches short of my shoulder, but the death-glare she was giving me made it obvious that ripping my head off right now was a possibility in her mind. Not that I cared much, I thought. I probably wouldn't even bother fighting her off.

"You better have some hell of an explanation, Edward! You can't do that to my best friend and walk away like that! How dare you desert her!" she exclaimed, taking me by the forearms and shaking me slightly. I couldn't say much to that. I just let her lecture me, not really hearing the words but thinking about Bella. How her moans of pleasure turned into cries of pain within seconds. I hung my head, and Alice must have assumed this meant I was listening to her.

"Alice, stop it. He's not listening anyway," came a voice from the doorway. It was Carlisle, with Esme at his side. The look on his face was thunderous. So Alice had blabbed it to the family.

"Come in, Edward," he said solemnly, stepping back so that Alice could dart inside before me.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I said softly.

"I said come in," he replied coldly. I obediently stepped into the entrance hall. The house was silent which was unusual to say the least. Emmett was almost always upstairs with Rosalie, and Alice was more often than not playing some sort of music channel on the TV. There wasn't even the smell of Esme cooking the food that nobody would eat.

But today Emmett was sitting on the couch in front of a blank TV screen, and Rosalie was lying next to him, with her head on his lap. Alice had taken a seat on one of the stools in the kitchen and Esme had flittered over to join her. Jasper was sitting on the bottom stair of the staircase, his head in his hands and I saw Alice cast him a quick sympathetic look. Everybody was staring at me, too.

Carlisle pulled me aside into his office.

"We need to talk, Edward. Sit, please," he said as he took a seat himself behind his huge mahogany desk. I seated myself nervously on one of the armchairs and let my fingers sink into the soft fabric. I wanted to claw it off, but I knew that Carlisle might not take to me damaging two very important things in one day.

Carlisle didn't waste much time with the niceties – which was a difference for him. He was usually one for small talk, to ease people into a sense of security. But with me, it was different.

"This family is... upset with you to say the least. Poor Alice was plagued by those visions of you, and Jasper has been working overtime to keep everyone at a bearable state of calm. Not to mention Rose. She's distraught that her brother did something like this. We all know it's not your fault, Edward, but Rose is taking it quite hard as you can imagine. It's a re-enactment of her own life playing out before her eyes, really. I know you get the impression that she doesn't like Bella, but she really does care."

I didn't say anything. Once again, speech failed me. Carlisle lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, his hands folded on the desk in front of him like he was the principal of a school and I was the ridiculously naughty student about to be expelled. He seemed to guess that I wouldn't say anything, so he continued.

"I... I know that it must have been hard for you. And I know that what you're feeling now must be a cross between suicidal and psycho, am I right?" he asked, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly.

"It was... so hard," I agreed through gritted teeth. "And I understand. I've always understood. But I can't wipe the image of her face – her tears – as I..."

Carlisle suddenly stood up, obviously stating that this conversation had finished.

"Let's go back out there. I think some people want to talk to you," he said curtly.

I couldn't help but be stunned as his standoffishness towards me. I had always been the closest to Carlisle, except maybe for Esme, and I wondered in the back of my mind if he was ever going to trust me again. This thought frightened me. If I didn't have Carlisle's trust, I most certainly didn't have it from the rest of my family. I slowly trudged back out into the living room with Carlisle, not too surprised to notice that the atmosphere hadn't changed a bit. Everybody was still in their previous positions, unmoving and unchanging. Very vampirish of them.

"Esme has something she wants to say," Carlisle suddenly announced. His face was still expressionless, and I knew that he had asked Esme to do the talking because he wasn't sure he could keep calm enough.

Esme gave a small smile to everyone in the room as she stood up, but her speech was directed at me, of course.

"Edward, we know what you did last night was wrong. And we know that you must regret it with every fibre of your existence, right?"

"Of course, Esme! I love her! I never-"

"Hush! I know that you love her, Edward. I never – we never doubted that," she said, gesturing to all the other family members in the room who gave a nod of agreement.

"But... we think that maybe one of us should go and talk to her. Just to reassure her that she isn't deserted – and that we love her still. And, of course, that you're incredibly sorry and regretful. Leaving her like that wasn't the best idea. She feel terrible to say the least. I only hope she doesn't do something – drastic..." she trailed off, looking at me meaningfully.

"Well, you know me! Always up for some girly chatter!" Emmett grinned, but that expression was wiped off of his face when Rosalie slapped him.

"Rose!" he exclaimed grumpily, rubbing his face dramatically.

"This isn't a joke, Em," she replied coldly, pulling herself upright and crossing her arms.

Esme laughed quietly at this.

"Thank you for your offer, Emmett, but since I have to hunt with Carlisle tonight I was thinking that Alice might be able to do it," she said hopefully, looking at Alice. But Alice's expression did not match the expression on Esme's.

"I can't go tonight. I'm sorry guys. It's just that Edward was in such a rush the other night I didn't really get to feed properly." She seemed almost embarrass to admit this.

"I'm too hungry to concentrate much on anything but the thirst. Plus I don't think she'd like to see a black-eyed vampire in her room... again," she added.

There was silence for a minute while everyone tried not to think about the only woman left in the household.

"I'll do it," came a voice. It was so quiet even I had to strain to hear it. It came from Rose. She had folded her legs tightly underneath her now, and her gaze was focused on the white carpet as if she was examining it for dust particles.

The tension in the room lightened just a little, but Emmett stepped in.

"No, Rose. You shouldn't get all worked up about this sort of thing again. You've been through this enough-" he said.

"I want to help, Em! I haven't been very nice to Bella and... well maybe this is our chance to bond! I can relate to this, I can talk to her, I can explain better than all of you!" she wailed. I knew that she was working herself up into a nervous breakdown, so I put a stop to it.

"No, Rose. I won't be responsible for another killing spree!" I teased. She glowered at me, although it did tempt a small chuckle from the rest of us.

"Let me, Edward," said Jasper. "Carlisle's been training me in the hospital, anyway. And I can... ease any hard feelings she may have towards you as well. No one else will do it, so..." he trailed off, standing up and walking smoothly over to Alice's side. She seemed to agree with him, as she suddenly beamed.

"Of course, Jasper! That's fine, isn't it Esme?" she squealed in her high-pitched voice.

"I'm sure it is. Bella might feel more comfortable with you than Emmett," she added, giving Emmett a disapproving look.

Emmett just grinned widely. "I don't have a way with words, do I?" he asked, suddenly pretending to be hurt by Esme's statement. Esme just grimaced and walked into the front room of the house with Carlisle on her tail.

Rosalie suddenly turned her attentions to me, stalking over to me where I stood in my corner, hands bunched into first. Emmett left the room, saying something about fetching a book for me from his room while Alice and Jasper disappeared upstairs hand in hand, smiling goofily at each other. I knew better than anyone that they were more likely disappearing upstairs to plan Jasper's conversation with Bella than to engage in wild vampire sex, which seemed to be the only reason Rosalie and Emmett went upstairs together for. Alice and Jasper were a lot more controlled then that. Although sex played a big part in their relationship, it wasn't the be-all and end-all of their existence. Like my relationship with Bella, I thought. Well, before last night, that was for sure. I wasn't even sure there was a relationship left now.

My attention was brought back to the present when Rosalie snapped her fingers impatiently in front of my face. I winced, before realising that she wasn't here to lecture me of argue about why she couldn't pay Bella a visit – she was here to comfort her brother in his time of need. I had never known a Rosalie like that, so her action surprised me. Especially when she slid down on the floor next to me, looking at up me as if she expected me to sit too. I knew better than to get on the bad side of this once-in-a-blue-moon Rosalie so I joined her on the floor, resting my face on my fists as I stared blankly ahead of me.

Both of us sat there in companionable silence for a while. Nobody needed to say anything. I couldn't help but make a quick assessment of her mind and it wasn't too surprising to see that she wasn't thinking about me, or Bella – she was thinking about herself. I know that it might sound like the vain old Rosalie was back, but the images she was seeing in her mind weren't ones of her showing off her beautiful golden hair and her model-like figure.

She had wound the clocks back to many years ago, playing a video in her mind that had haunted her for decades. I watched it with her, and she was aware I was doing so, I suspected.

She was leaving a friend's house. A friend with a loving husband and a beautiful baby that entranced her. I saw her leave the house, walking down the lane. I could see the group of men on the street corner, clowning around, drunk and impatient.

I had heard this story, and seen this video before. It was the night of her changing. And it was the worst possible way to go, in my opinion. I unwillingly watched the video unfold, too engrossed to pull away. I heard the taunts, the catcalls, the thuds, the screams and the laughter that followed. I could hear Rosalie's then-beating heart pummelling as she tried to escape – tried to live.

And then, as I heard the beating heart fade and the sound of footsteps retreating quickly before being replaced by a single set of footprints, and the sound of Carlisle's voice in the distance – coming closer, Rosalie took my hand in hers. I had never had much contact with my sister before. But as she squeezed my hand quite painfully hard, I felt like she was telling me what to do. I had to trust myself. I had to believe that I could do this – that I could face Bella.

Try as she might, she couldn't convince me.

I only hoped Jasper would be able to try. And I only hoped that the next time I saw her she wouldn't run away from me.

*~*~*~*

That afternoon I wrote her a letter. I needed to get to her one way or another, and I was sure that Jasper would deliver it if I asked him too. I poured all my deepest regrets, all of my thoughts and all of my love into this letter, hoping all along that it would be enough for her. Enough to want to see me again, without feeling terribly overpowered.

Jasper descended the stairs, a notebook in his hand. I guessed so that he could make notes for Carlisle's sake. Alice was already sitting at my feet, working on a puzzle with Rosalie who was at times so distracted that she was wringing her hands too intently to pick up a puzzle piece. I knew that Alice was trying to distract everyone's attention from the issue at hand but nobody was interested.

When she saw Jasper enter the room her whole face lit up and she quickly excused herself and danced over to him, clasping his hands in hers as they began conversing in low barely-audible whispers. I knew that she was talking about the letter which she had seen me writing. I self-consciously cleared my throat and sealed the letter in an envelope. Of all people in this family who I could trust to not sneak a peek at the letter, Jasper was my number one. He glanced at me and I waved him over.

"I promise I'll give it to her, Edward," he said, taking the envelope from my hand and tucking it into his jacket pocket. Carlisle called his name, and he promptly disappeared into the front room. Alice remained, taking a seat next to me and laying her head on my shoulder.

"It'll all work out eventually, Eddie," she murmured. I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't. I saw Rosalie incline her head towards us, although she was still bent over the incomplete puzzle.

"I hope so," I heard her think to herself.

Jasper suddenly reappeared from the front room, car keys in hand, and headed for the door.

"Jasper! Let me know how she is, okay?" I called to him. I saw him shake his head ever so slightly before he disappeared out of the door and into the rapidly descending twilight.

*~*~*~*


	6. Forgiven

Tomorrow came too soon for my liking. It seemed like I had only been sleeping soundly for 5 minutes before the screech of my alarm clock brought me into my reality. It was on some random radio station, but the volume was turned all the way up for some reason, and the words burnt into my tired out old brain like needles.

"Turn that racket down!" came a booming voice from downstairs. Charlie, naturally, would be the only person in the world who would think for a moment that I would blast metal music at 7.00 in the morning. I growled at him, although he couldn't possibly hear, and dragged myself away from the comforting warmth of my bed and into the cold tiled bathroom. I once again burnt my skin off under the showerhead for a good 10 minutes before getting dressed into some jeans and a sweatshirt for the cold weather outside.

The pain I had yesterday had improved drastically by the Paracetamol courtesy of Jasper last night, and I couldn't help but wonder if Carlisle had tampered with them before giving them to Jasper. I didn't really care. No pain was good. I made my limping less obvious for Edward's sake.

As I trudged back to my room to make my bed and pick up a few of the clothes currently littering the floor, I noticed something lying on the rocking chair in which Jasper had occupied the previous evening. I snatched it up, wondering if it was just a scrap piece of paper that he had dropped before I saw that it was an envelope. Addressed to me.

This caught my curiosity, of course, as I never got any mail nowadays – not with the invention of email, instant messaging and texting. Only one person I know would actually write me a letter.

Edward.

Suddenly I was quite frightened again. What if the letter bore terrible news? What if Edward was telling me that he was leaving for Italy? Or that his whole family was moving far away... but that was impossible. I had a feeling that Jasper would have said something about it if it was that serious. I took a couple of much-needed deep breaths and tore open the seal, almost expecting some ribbons or a live bat to fly out.

I shuffled the thick white card out and unfolded it gently. It was obvious that Edward had written this in a hurry. His immaculate writing was there, but it seemed a little rushed, a little messier than he would have ever let it become if he wasn't wracked with emotional guilt.

And as I read the letter, once twice three times, the words soothed me like warm milk before bedtime before I had the chance to decipher them.

-------------------------------------------

'My Bella,

I cannot even begin to express my regrets for what happened to you. I did something that I had always feared I would do, and worst than that, I left you. I was selfish, I was cruel, and I was a lot of other things that I shouldn't write in this letter in case somebody else reads it. I need you to know – now more than ever, my love – that what I have done to you is unforgivable. I will always hate that part of me, the part of me that couldn't control myself for you. But after all this, I am still so deeply in love with you. Words could not describe how I feel about you. Even though I cannot wipe the image of your face I see every time I close my eyes, at least I know that I will always have you on my mind and in my un-beating heart.

I know that you will not want to be close to me from now on, please be assured that I will always be waiting for you if you change your mind. Your love for me was so selfless of you, and I was most undeserving of it. I am not made to be loved, Bella, as I'm sure you've heard many a time before. And I am so sorry that I couldn't keep my promise to you. I promised to protect you always, Bella – and not only did I fail to follow that through – it was me that hurt you!

I love you so unconditionally it doesn't make any sense. And it doesn't need to, Bella. I'm sorry my love.

~ Edward'

--------------------------------------------

I was in shock. He was speaking as if I didn't love him anymore. Incapable of even speaking, I tucked the letter into my pocket and ran downstairs as Charlie began to yell.

"Hurry up, Bella! Are you even out of bed yet?"

"Yes, yes! I just need breakfast and to pack my bag and I'm ready!" I cried as I descended the stairs rapidly. He grunted in reply. He never liked to be proven wrong.

Ignoring his attitude, I made myself a bowl of Cheerios and a mug of Milo. I wasn't in much of a coffee mood today for some odd reason.

I tried to eat my cereal as slow as possible, wanting to be busy when Edward came so I could avoid looking him in the eyes for a little while. But the cereal seemed to disappear at an alarming pace, no matter how slow I seemed to eat it.

I made a fuss packing my bag, too. I packed and then unpacked and repeated the process about 3 times before Charlie told me if I took one more book out of my bag he'd throw the whole lot in the fireplace.

It was almost too soon before there was a knock on the door.

"Get that, will you Bella?" Charlie asked as he jogged upstairs.

I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see my doom approaching from a distance as I made my way to the door. I could almost feel Edwards cool through the door, or maybe that was just the weather. Slowly I pulled back the deadbolt and opened the door. Before I could even open my eyes, Edward's stone hand was clenching mine and he was pulling me towards his Volvo. I was, sadly, a little used to being manhandled my Edward now so I didn't kick up too much of a fuss as he yanked firmly at my arm. He opened the passenger door and waited for me to climb in before slamming it shut, appearing in the seat next to me in less than a few milliseconds.

That was one silent ride. He didn't say much, and neither did I. It seemed that we had reached an unspoken agreement between the two of us. Neither of us mentioned it, or tried to anyway. When we pulled into the car park Rosalie was the first person I spotted. It was always easy to find her bright red convertible among the sea of average beat-up old cars, but it was easier today as Rosalie, dressed in tight leather pants and a bright pink hippy-inspired top (although it was freezing out), was leaning on the passenger door, her eyes searching her surroundings for us.

The second she saw us she straightened visibly and started to walk over to us, too fast to be human. I saw Emmett emerging from the car, running over here to keep up with her.

"Bella!" she cried. I was shocked. Rosalie was calling my name? She wanted to talk to me?

"Erm... hi Rosalie," I said uncertainly.

"Bella I have to tell you something..."

"Leave it, Rose," Emmett chided gently under his breath, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and squeezing her slightly.

"But Em!" she cried, clearly exasperated.

"You heard him. Leave it," Edward growled before taking my hand and once again pulling me roughly up to the school gates. My first class was physics, which Edward didn't have with me, so he dropped me off outside the door to the classroom without a word and disappeared.

The class was only 50 minutes long, but it felt like it was 2 hours. By the time the bell rang for second period, I was hopping around in my seat anxious to see Edward again. He had biology with me, and because he was seated right next to me it was difficult to concentrate as I felt his eyes burning into the back of my head the entire time. He didn't say anything, though, so I didn't either. I knew either way that he wouldn't be answering any of my questions.

When it was finally lunchtime two hours later (although it felt like two days later), Edward pulled me along as usual to the cafeteria where he grabbed their usual table and went off to get my food. Hmm, at least he wasn't angry at me. Then again, why should he be? He was the one that had hurt me. I should be infuriated with him. I saw Alice skip over with her tray of food and take a seat opposite me. Jasper wasn't with her. I couldn't be bothered asking, really. I was too grumpy this morning.

Edward finally decided to grace me with his appearance once more as he slid my tray of food towards me and took a seat next to Alice, his eyes drilling holes into the table. Alice looked a little intimidated by all this negative energy surrounding the table, so she excused herself to find Jasper. Edward still didn't say anything. He didn't even attempt to pretend to eat his lunch. I, however, was starving.

As I picked at the salad he had gotten me, I was suddenly sick of his silent treatment. He had no right to treat me this way!

"Aren't you going to pretend to eat?" I asked, my voice expressionless.

No reply.

"Are you going to talk to me?" I tried again.

Silence.

"Yes," he said quietly.

This was better. I nodded slowly.

"That's good, because I like your voice," I said smiling to myself. I suddenly remembered the piece of paper in my pocket.

"I got your letter, by the way. Thank you."

He nodded grimly, his fingers pressing gauges into the Formica table top. It was if he was anticipating that I may explode.

I pulled it from my pocket and set it on the table.

"But what I don't get is why you talk about this as if I don't love you anymore. What makes you think that?" I was slightly angered now, but not enough to raise my voice.

"You shouldn't love me, Bella! Not after what I've done to you!"

"I'll always love you, Edward. Don't ask me why, but no matter what you do to me, I will always love you as unconditionally and irrevocably as I did when I first saw you. No matter what."

I saw him grit his teeth, but not say anything.

"Edward, I-" I paused for a second, realising that he wasn't going to talk.

"I can't trust you if you can't trust yourself," I finished. He looked up at me for the first time, and his smouldering golden eyes almost made me melt all over the table top.

"Well I guess you should stay away then," he replied.

"It's not that. I want to trust you Edward! I don't care if you can't take making love, but I need you to be able to hold me, still." My voice was lowered so nobody else would cop an earful of what we were saying.

"I'm scared that even touching you will make me crazy again," he admitted, his gaze falling to some point behind my head. I sighed, and reached out with my hand, letting it brush the back of his. He flinched, and it broke my heart all over again. And then he fell apart.

"I'm sorry, my Bella, I'm so sorry..." he whispered. He tilted my face up gently with his thumb to meet his as he stared at me with those irresistible eyes. I noticed that he was looking me up and down suspiciously as if he expected me to only have three limbs left. I stood up and pirouetted in front of him.

"I'm not too broken, Edward," I explained softly, taking his hands in mine again.

"But I still hurt you. I'm a mons-" he started.

"If you say that one more time I will buy you plane tickets to Venice myself!" I exclaimed wearily, but wanted to take it back as soon as I saw his hurt expression.

"Let's go, Edward," I murmured, letting him wrap his arms around my shoulders and we once again walked out the cafeteria door with the hushed whispers of the students behind us.

We drove back to my house, because Charlie was still at work. I wasn't sure what we were going to do there, but I had a pretty good idea. And I only hope that after my little spiel with him it'd all work out. Because I needed to be with Edward for every second of every day, and I didn't care how long it took to work up the self-control to sleep with me again but I'd be there for him every step of the way.

*~*~*~*


	7. Giving In

It was the first time I hadn't at least stumbled while climbing the narrow staircase, but maybe that's because Edward was carrying me. I didn't have many thoughts running through my mind at that moment, apart from the thought that I needed Edward to show me that he could control himself. I knew that after he had seen what he could do to me, he would be more careful. And I had never wanted anything more in my life.

In a way I didn't want to trust him. I didn't feel safe handing over my body to this beautiful creature that could so easily turn into an ugly monster. But Jasper's words rung true in my ears. "Think of it as a literal mindset," he had said. If that was what Edward was intending on setting my life against tonight, I wouldn't stuff it up this time.

As soon as he had reached the top of the stairs he set me down on my feet, pressing me gently against the wall as his lips assaulted mine in a passionate kiss. My arms automatically wound around his neck, holding him close. But instead of his hands moving to my waist as usual, they moved lower to the tops of my thighs. I felt him lift me up again so that I could wrap my legs around his waist and revel in the cool of his touch.

I don't know how we made it to the bedroom, because it seemed I had only blinked and the dull interior of the hallway had faded into the clutter of my bedroom. He didn't even need to hold on to me anymore, I was clinging to him like Velcro and not planning to detach myself anytime soon. I felt myself tilt as he lay us down on the edge of my bed, his kisses never letting up as a fire built in the depths of my stomach.

We still hadn't made much in the way of conversation since we left the cafeteria, and there was no need to as far as I was concerned. We didn't need words. Words were for people who couldn't connect to each other in any other way. And I planned to connect myself to Edward in every way possible tonight.

He seemed to notice my sudden increase in enthusiasm as he pulled back just enough so that I could take a few breaths.

"Are you okay with this?" he breathed softly in my ear.

"Yes, Edward. I won't say anything if it's too hard," I stuttered these last words, unsure of if I meant them or not, but as his lips descended on my neck I knew for certain that I did. I wanted him to have all of me, and I trusted him more than I ever could have before. I knew now that he had it in him to issue the control he needed for me. My thoughts were rather pleasantly interrupted when I felt his cold fingers pulling away from my hair, running to my front to undo the buttons of my shirt slowly.

I was less patient with his. I ripped it off him eagerly, hearing the buttons pop off and ricochet off the wall. He laughed deep in his chest – a rumbling sound that almost made me moan.

"I'll have to explain that to Esme," he murmured, his fingers finding placement on my stomach. His fingers were soft, almost tickling as he ceased his assault on my mouth and trailed his lips downwards, through the valley between my breasts to the soft skin of my stomach to join his fingers that were hastily unbuttoning my jeans. I could feel his cold breath against my heated skin, causing me to jolt towards him. This made it all the more easier for Edward to slide them down my legs as I kicked them to the floor.

I found my hands lying rather useless at the side of me now as Edward began to nip playfully at my stomach, and I quickly made use of them by winding them in his messy hair. I gasped when I felt his cool fingers slide under the waistband of my panties, before he seemed to think better of it and pulled them out again. I was about to complain when he did it. He ripped my panties off with his teeth, his chin brushing against my pubic bone enticingly.

"D-don't you think that'll make it h-h-harder?" I managed to squeak as his head moved up again, playing a light kiss on my bellybutton and continuing in a straight line, downwards.

"Uh-huh" he groaned against my hip bone, and I knew he wasn't talking about his restraint.

And that's when I almost died and went to heaven. Almost. I doubt heaven would be this nice, though. My eyes rolled slightly into the back of my head as I felt his cool tongue on... THAT part of me. I vaguely felt him pull my legs over his shoulders as he continued his welcome molesting of me. I felt his tongue trace from my entrance to my clitoris, flicking against it at an impossible speed before returning to my opening, thrusting inside it gently, then returning to my clit using soft circular motions.

I saw stars. I'd never dreamed that anything could feel this good. But then, Edward was not of this world. The next thing I knew his fingers had joined the fun, pulsing in and out of me now that his tongue was free to focus entirely on my clitoris. I felt him suck it ever so slightly into his mouth and I lost it. He rode out the storm with me, not letting up until my body had stopped shuddering. I wondered who had been shrieking, before realising to my embarrassment that it had been me.

Thank the Lord that there was enough petty crime in this town to keep Charlie away from this house. Although I was sure the neighbours would be giving me some funny looks the next day (although our nearest neighbour was 5 miles away across a field).

My heavy breathing was interrupted by Edwards chuckling. Trust Edward to fucking laugh at a time like this. I suddenly felt self-conscious.

"What's so funny?" I asked firmly, but breathlessly. He seemed to sense that he had offended me, as a light-hearted smile crossed his face.

"It's not that it's funny... it's just that I never thought humans could orgasm that hard. I thought vampires had it good, but that was something entirely different," he teased, before breaking off into peals of more laughter. I kicked him lightly in the shoulder blade as my legs were still over his shoulders.

"Really, though," he said, with a little more seriousness in his voice. "I'd never have thought I'd be able to do that to you without breaking you," he murmured softly. I was still a little lost for words after the most intense orgasm known to human beings. I wasn't even sure if I was breathing properly. But I did feel a need to speak up at this moment, to reassure him.

"That... was... amazing," I managed to choke out. I saw him flash me a grin and I immediately dissolved again. As far as I was concerned, that grin of his would keep me sexually satisfied for a long time to come.

"Come here," I whispered to him, resisting the urge to pull him up as he climbed at a painfully slow pace onto the bed and between my open knees. His gaze was focused solely on my face, his eyes burning into mine. My hands travelled slowly down his chest, stopping at his belt and unbuckling it as fast as my clumsy fingers could.

"Can I...?" I half asked, half panted as his jeans disappeared off of the edge of the bed. He barely nodded, and I saw him visibly gritting his teeth. I knew that it probably wasn't in my best interest to touch him, but I wasn't going to give up such a fine opportunity. Before he could pull back, I slid my hands inside his boxers and grabbed his cock, almost pulling back in shock.

I suppose that as human's bodies heat up when they are sexually excited, vampire's bodies must cool down because his cock was freezing. But I didn't care if I got ice burn. I heard him gasp audibly as I wrapped my shaky hand around him. I could hardly get my fingers the whole way around it, and that scared me for a moment. But then I relaxed. I could do this.

I wasn't sure of what to do, so I did what came naturally. I slowly pumped my hand up and down his length, my eyes never breaking his gaze. My doubts on whether he liked it or not were shattered when he let out an unearthly groan, dropping his head to the pillow behind my neck. This empowered me to speed up, and I did, pumping furiously urged on by his moaning in my ear.

"Jesus Christ, Bella!" he growled, pulling back from me suddenly.

"Too much. It won't last-" he muttered, pulling my hands from his boxers as he slid them off and onto the floor. I giggled to myself. Now he had an inkling of an idea of what I had felt like moments before. I didn't have much patience left, and I sighed in eagerness as he resumed his earlier position between my legs. My toes went instantly jelly-like as soon as I felt his hardness against my thigh.

"Are you sure?" he asked one last time, although there was no turning back. Not that he gave me a choice to answer, anyway. Before I could even inhale he had thrust forward into my welcoming depths all the way to the hilt. My back arched, and I heard him let out a groan as he let me adjust to his size before he slowly began moving again.

But lucky for him, I didn't want slow. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me as I lifted my legs higher than what was necessary for any kind of position I would have felt comfortable in until they were back over his shoulders. He used them as a brace as he pounded into me, soft enough not to hurt but hard enough to make me scream with pleasure. He was grunting heavily, and my elevated hips made him hit my g-spot every time as his pubic bone grinded against my clit.

I let my own hands wonder to my breasts which had somehow escaped the confines of my low-cut bra. I cupped them in my hands, tweaking the nipples in time to his thrusting. The sight of this must have turned him on even more as his thrusting picked up pace. It still wasn't hurting, and the elevated speed at which he made contact with my clit and g-spot became so blurred together it was practically simultaneous.

My whole body was shaking now, my legs especially. I couldn't even bring myself to moan as a feeling more intense than pleasure itself overrode my hormone-ridden body. The fire coil that had been burning in my belly had become hotter and tighter, and apparently so did I as Edward's pupils suddenly dilated like a cats as my whole body tensed, shuddering helplessly underneath him as wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure washed over my frame. It was only three more thrusts on his behalf before he was joining me, burying his head in my neck as he let my legs fall to either side of his body.

He didn't attempt to pull out, and I didn't expect nor want him to. After many laboured breaths on my part I finally worked up the oxygen to speak.

"W-wow." I squealed, still jolting now and then from small aftershocks. His stupid grin was back on his face again, and it made me want to do it all over again.

"Wipe that smirk off of your face, Mister," I teased, grinning a little as he lay his head on my chest, relaxing his cool body onto mine. I instantly felt a little more comfortable.

"Do you want me to move?" he asked so softly I knew he was hoping I couldn't hear.

"Don't even think about it," I sighed, kissing the top of his head as he placed a kiss on my collarbone.

Maybe it would all be okay now. We were all we needed for the time-being. And that was fine.


	8. Tomorrow

EPOV

I watched her sleep that night. The only time I left her side was to wait outside her window for a few minutes when Charlie came in to check on her that evening. I'd had the presence of mind to dress her while she slept, my speed and accuracy never nudging her awake. As soon as Charlie had grumbled something about having to make his own dinner, he disappeared back downstairs and I could resume my previous position next to her warm body.

I loved how she unconsciously curled tighter into my body as she slept, and how sometimes in her sleep she would softly sigh. It made me wish once again that I could read her mind and see what she was dreaming of, or if she was dreaming of me. I gently played with her hair while she slept peacefully, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath.

I could see her pulse gently hammering away underneath her snow white skin, and I could smell the sweet sugary scent of her blood. But I no longer had the urge to bite her. Maybe I had vented all my desires those few days ago when I had nearly killed her. All I felt was love for the delicate creature next to me who was too trusting for her own good.

She stirred slightly in her sleep and pulled my arm tighter around her waist, murmuring incoherently. I seriously doubted that the desire I felt for my Bella would ever diminish. She would always be beautiful, even if she stayed human forever. I would always want her. Even now, just watching the simple motion of sleep was having me wishing she'd wake up so we could make love again. I was fighting the urge to let my fingers disappear up her cotton t-shirt, to stroke her bare skin reverently as I admired her. But I wasn't sure if I had redeemed myself enough to touch her while she was most vulnerable. I didn't want to push my luck.

I could feel the sun rising slowly now, its luminous glow filling the room with rays of light which hit my bare skin, making it sparkle as if there were a million diamonds inset. As the light fell across her face, she slowly awoke, registering the cool touch of my arms around her waist.

"Good morning," she whispered sleepily, her eyes still not opening.

"Dawn's barely broke, Bella. Go back to sleep," I replied, softly kissing her cheek. She shook her head.

"I've been sleeping since two o'clock, silly!" she scolded playfully, wriggling around so that she was on her back, still enclosed in my stony embrace.

"Whatever you say..." I teased. But really I was waiting for her permission to kiss her. Her eyes widened with delight when she saw the stripes of glitter across my face from the pattern her blinds were throwing. She slowly reached up her hand to place it carefully on my face and giggled as the lights rays transferred onto the back of her hand.

"You're beautiful, Edward," she sighed, slowly trailing her hand down from my face and my neck, resting on my shoulder.

"Not in comparison to you," I quipped, and before she could argue I silenced her lips with a kiss. It was more passionate than I had intended, maybe because a lot of my desire had built up from watching her sleeping. Her arms linked around mine as she effortlessly pulled me on top of her. I wasn't one to resist what my Bella wanted. I settled comfortably in between her thighs, letting her wrap her legs around my waist as I continued to rain kiss upon kiss on her fragile skin.

"You've got your clothes on. I've got my clothes on," she said the latter with a great amount of surprise in her voice and I had to suppress a laugh.

"You dressed me?" she asked.

"Yes," I murmured into the hollow of her neck.

"Oh," she said softly. There was a trace of disappointment in her voice, and I knew what she was thinking even without the gift of reading her mind.

"You don't think Charlie would have gotten the shock of his life?" I quickly responded.

"Charlie? Oh, right. I completely forgot," she sighed, realization dawning upon her face. Her fingers tangled in my hair as I returned to her lips. I knew that Charlie wouldn't be up for a while, so I took my time with her. She was responding to my kisses eagerly, pulling me down to her and arching herself towards me if I left a bare inch of space between our bodies.

I groaned as she suddenly bucked upwards with her hips, making our bodies rub against each other in the most enticing of ways. I slid her shirt up and over her head, almost crying out as her hot skin came into full contact with mine once more. I would never get tired of this, of Bella. Her lips were frantic against mine as lust overwhelmed a lot of other human senses she possessed.

But I refused to let this happen as fast and furious as the last two times had been. I wanted this to last for as long as possible. I pulled back from her, assessing the situation from a more professional point of view. She certainly didn't look as if she had any regrets from yesterday afternoon, from the way she was glaring at me for pulling away from her. Her hands went to self-consciously cover her chest, but I linked my fingers through hers and pulled them gently away. I was amused to see that after our furious love-making the day before she would be embarrassed in front of me.

"Don't hide yourself," I chided gently as I let her wrap her arms around my torso, caressing my cold skin.

And so we lay there for hours, just kissing and holding each other. Neither of us made the move to initiate sex, and I suspected that she was trying to suppress that urge as at times she clung to me a little too hard, almost as if she was trying to get under my skin. When I finally glanced at my watch I jumped up suddenly, as if I had been bitten.

"What's the matter?" Bella asked, her eyes scanning to room as if another vampire might have materialized in front of us. Her eyes were still a little unfocused, and a few stray strands of hair were sticking up from where I had been running my fingers through it. She looked like the definition of adorable.

"It's 7:00, Bella! Charlie will be getting up any moment now," I explained as I searched feverishly for her shirt among the rumpled sheets. Locating it, I tossed it in her direction and she grumbled as she pulled it over her head while eyeing me seductively as if she could lure me into the ripping it off of her again. The idea was tempting, but I suddenly heard Charlie's bedroom door swing open and his out-of-tune humming as he filled the kettle.

"I'll be back as soon as he's left for work, I promise," I whispered as she slipped back under the covers and adjusted her pillows to make it look as if she had been sleeping.

She merely shrugged, but I knew that she was slightly more desperate than that.

"I feel like a monster for leaving you like this, you know that right?" I added, watching her fight a small smile.

"You should," she grumbled as she buried her face in her pillow.

"I love you!" I chanted in an annoyingly sing-song voice, but was cut off when she gave me the finger, still refusing to look at me.

"Wow Bella, I am so hurt by that!" I feigned disappointment and saw her tilt her head towards me and roll her eyes as her hand reached out for mine.

"Just come back soon, okay?" she mumbled as I interlaced our fingers. I nodded. It was beyond my power to leave her here for very long at all. It was getting harder by the second to just leap out the window as her little hand squeezed mine. I managed – somehow – to pull away and the next thing I knew I was walking across a field a mile or so behind her house.

I knew from venturing into her father's mind that he was on edge about being late for work. A few bodies had washed up in a local river, and there was a lot of speculation as a major investigation took place. I already knew the killer: another nomadic vampire. The identities of the bodies proved to be nobodies, just homeless drunks who wondered around late at night in dark alleyways. They didn't have much to lose in the first place.

Even though I was a fair distance away, I was careful to keep them within my hearing range. I didn't want to leave Bella alone for any longer than I needed to. I heard Charlie eating breakfast, having a shower, talking to himself as he brushed his hair. And I heard Bella singing softly to herself as she wondered around her room, making her bed and tidying up the little bits of mess here and there.

Her sweet voice filled my ears and made me forget all my troubles at once.

"Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain

Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain

Time starts to pass before you know if you're frozen

But something happened for the very first time with you

My heart melted to the ground, found something true

And everyone's lookin' round thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open and I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear, but they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling

But nothings greater than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness I see your face

Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy

Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open and I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open and I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love"

*~*~*~*

The moment the sound of the front door closing as Charlie departed the house I started to run. I had to get to her as soon as possible, to show her how much I loved her in return, and that she didn't have to keep hurting herself for me anymore. I reached the house just as the car was pulling out of the drive, and I hid in the shadows for a while until it had disappeared down the road before I hoisted myself up to her window.

She wasn't in her bedroom like earlier, and I slid open the window easily as I climbed in and poked my head out the doorway of her bedroom, tracing her unmistakable scent to the kitchen where she was humming the tune to the song she had only recently finished singing. She had the ear-buds of her iPod in her ears, and she was oblivious to the fact that I was now standing directly behind her.

She had tied her hair up with a ribbon, letting those few loose tendrils escape and fall across her face and down her neck once more. I was overwhelmed with the desire to touch her, so strong I didn't see the point in resisting them any longer.

She stiffened when she felt my cold arms wrap protectively around her waist, pulling her against my front, before she melted into me. I growled somewhere in my chest as I ran through a mental checklist of all the things I planned to do with her today, and by the way she tilted her head to the side so that I could place soft kisses on her neck made me think that she'd be a willing participant in those activities.

"What are you going to do?" she asked wearily as my fingers started to pull at her t-shirt.

"I'm going to make love to you the way I should have all those nights ago," I growled. I felt her shudder slightly under my arms but I knew that this time it wasn't from fear or hesitation, it was from lust and anticipation.

She took my hands in hers, and began walking backwards towards the stairs so as to never break eye contact.

But we never made it to the bedroom.

We spent that long day in the best way possible, just exploring each other's bodies and minds. When we weren't making love, we were talking quietly to each other before the urge to make love again arose. And it never took long. I found myself a little concerned for Bella's comfort the next day. But then I was reminded of the Paracetamol that Jasper had provided her with a few nights ago and relaxed.

She certainly never seemed to give up, and I couldn't blame her. I wanted to be with her every single moment of every day although we both knew that was impossible. And as I heard Charlie's Cruiser pulling off of the freeway, I knew that it was time to leave her until tomorrow.

But tomorrow would come, as all days eventually did. And I would make sure I would make good on my promise to her as I left.

"See you tomorrow?" she had asked, breathless as I kissed her goodbye.

"I promise. And if you want, we can do it all over again."


End file.
